Welcome, Summer.

Here we are, summer time, warm breezes blowing, kids screaming outside, sun shining through the windows, and you feel that summer vibe flowing through your veins. The water calls to you, the ocean water blue as ever, searching for yourself in it’s glory.

The bomb pops melting in your hands, the fan blowing on your face, it definitely feels like summer. Riding your bike with your arms out, to catch that warm wind blow through your fingers, while you dream of being in another world. Finding that book at the end of a hot summer day, to settle in and read in your corner while the fan blows your pages.

Summer time, has arrived, and you see the endless possibilities of what is to come. Bar B Que’s on the horizon, fires in pits, with marshmallows and friends, all while playing the tunes to your day on your now hand held device. “Boom” boxes are sitting out, hoping they play your song while you’re trying to catch that “lightning” bug.

These are all signs of summer. The warmth hitting your face, reminding you that the sun holds vitamins you need, remembering a past of your younger years. Swimming in pools, hoping nobody pee’d in them, watching the sun go down, by bed time, and feeling those summer vibes.

During the summer it’s like being taken to another world… You can pretend that everything is all good… You can find yourself laying in the sun for hours, sweating, but dreaming of your life. Because during summer, life is good…. That’s why we all like summer. Flip flops, beach towels, dancing till all hours of the night… Yea, it feels like summer to me.

This summer, is definitely shaping up to be one of those, where I get lost in the days… Days turning into a week, soon will be a month, all the while, trying to keep focused on what I should actually be doing. But those damn summer vibes have taken over…

Probably should be doing more work, probably should be promoting books, probably should be doing a lot of shit actually, but here I am… Jamming to Weezer’s new song, ‘Feels like summer’, and remembering a past of fields of flowers, beach parties, and swimming till the pool lights come on. Life’s too short to not enjoy the days that turn into weeks. Life’s too short to not see the beauty in the day that holds my hand as I watch the sun go down in the evening.

Catching up on all my Netflix shows, because I missed doing nothing on the hot nights, listening to my children laugh as they have now slept way longer than I have and feeling refreshed.

Life is too short to let the little things pass you by… Live, Love, and for the love of the gods, Laugh! Laugh so much that it hurts. Go to that summer block buster movie, see that concert because you want to, take your children outside to catch those little bugs where their butts light up, and feel the love that flows through your veins. Sit outside with the love of your life, and really look at them, seeing their true beauty as the sun slightly touches their face.

With all that’s happening in this world, how can we not start to see that life is precious?

One more shooting, one more bombing, one more life lost, and all over things that we can’t seem to understand… We can’t fathom why this keeps happening, with everyone having an agenda and you just want to scream…

BUT Life is too short, we must try to live in the present.

You never know when that summer vibe will leave, and you will be left standing in the dark, wishing you would have done more… Feel the sun, feel the water, take that hike, share the heck out of your pictures that you captured of the fun, and just LIVE your LIFE to the fullest!

-Dee- Hand drawn vintage label with a anchor and lettering.

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Spring turns into Summer

Well, hello there… It’s Spring time, but it’s getting very close to summer.

(I have an odd confession, I love and hate summer all at the same time. Haha.)

My daughters’ are already out for summer break, and even though the days are turning longer, it’s still spring. Which means, storms still pop up, some days it’s already hot, and others it’s chilly. Mother nature can be a real pain in the butt sometimes. (Insert your sarcastic laugh here.) During the summer is the time, as a Mom, I get to spend countless hours with my children. This is why I love summer. (This is also where I wonder if I will have any hair left if I don’t pull it all out. Haha. Major catch-22 right there.) The heat and being stuck inside on a lot of days is the reason I hate it. (If we had a pool, I’d probably love it and there would be no hate, but… that’s not the case here.)

Summer reminds me of long nights playing outside, bonfires with marshmallows, and being free to run a muck till the street light came on. Watching my children enjoy their summer is now what I look forward to. It’s odd at times to see your children grow and become these little people with their own ways, all while each day passes faster than the last. At times, I wish things were as simple as they were when I was a kid.

Now-a-days, that’s not the case. People can’t let their kids run-a-muck for fear of predators, a simple time at the park can turn into a kidnapping. Everything has changed so drastically. Trust is no longer about putting it into your child, but it turns out you can’t trust the adults. I mean, clearly, my children have turned me into a liar, because I will repeat myself about ten times and then tell them we won’t be doing this or… and yet here we are… doing that. Haha.

funny mom life

 

I live in a small town, people here often believe that nothing could happen here. I don’t see it that way. You don’t know what people are going through an or what they are doing. You want to believe that everyone is good, but we all know that’s not the case. Just turn on your television’s and the news is right there to tell you how bad it is. I can’t remember a time now, where there wasn’t something bad on the news. The list of the bad outweigh the good on so many levels. None the less, we have to try and make the world safe for our children, even if it means you’re the one going to the park with phone in hand, just in case.

There’s something about summer that can take you to another place in time… Whether it’s friend gatherings, holiday outings, or just hanging out on your porch laughing, there’s still good to be had. We often get caught up on what our future holds, not living in the present. (I know I do this quite often.) But finding the joy in the small things is where you will find your happiness. There’s always going to be evil in the world, there’s always going to be those bad days that turn into bad weeks, but if we search hard enough we can find the positive.

So on this short blog post, I wanted to remind others that… Even if it’s spring showers that means summer is right around the corner. That means that you get to spend that extra time with your children, you get to be the one who watches them grow from toddlers to teenagers right before your very eyes. It happens quickly, so don’t blink. There may always be evil lingering out there, just remember you get to be the captain of your ship so to speak. Don’t let them win. Live your life, watch your babies grow, and enjoy the hell out of this life! We get this one shot here on Earth, make it count!

-Peace, Love, and all that Jazz- Dee

Controversy and Truth

Today, it’s going to get real… like “real talk”, and it’s probably not going to be a popular post, but it’s time we shed some light on a very serious subject.

There’s no way to even start this conversation without bringing up the new television series on Netflix that is bringing teen suicide to the forefront. The show, Thirteen Reasons Why, is getting some major feedback for bringing a book wrote by Jay Asher to life. When I first started watching this, I wasn’t near as prepared as I thought I was. As a parent, you see the world in a different view then teens do. As a mother, I watched thinking, Oh my gods, this is happening right now to so many kids/people. (The tears flowed through-out this entire season of this show. I won’t lie.)

The show starts off with showing you a school locker that’s covered in pictures of a young girl, teens taking selfies in front of it, saying how sad and how pretty she was… as her friend watches the others go to her locker knowing they didn’t even know her. Then the story really starts. You hear and learn thirteen reasons why she did what she did. It all starts with what the main character thinking a harmless picture that was taken of her while on a first date, was literally nothing but fun for her and the date, (just being silly and capturing their time together) gets shared around at the school among the “jocks”. (A picture that captures her sliding down a slide, literally gets shared by another boy (sends a mass text to the whole school)  who he shows the picture to, and she gets a “reputation”. When what she thought was a great first date with a boy she had a crush on, all went sadly wrong.

The story goes on and on from there. One small thing that seemed innocent, became the start of downward spiral for a girl who just wanted to fit in. It’s a show/book that people need to hear or read to see that what people blow off as no big deal can become more than you can imagine. More pain than they ever let on…

With anywhere from the verbal abuse to the online abuse that’s being played out for so many kids, it’s like people have no idea of what empathy is anymore. People picking on one another just because it seems to be the “popular” thing to do. Why the hell do we do that? Why is there such a need to “fit in” with the “norm”? That is mind boggling to me on so many levels. When a child/teen/adult is constantly ridiculed by others, what do you think that does for their self-esteem? Why would you be the one to keep causing pain to someone who is different than you?

There’s a personal story of mine, I would like to share how suicide effects so many…

When I was in high school there was a guy named Luke that was the “popular” guy. He had many friends, he was so funny, and gosh darnit if I didn’t think he was the cutest guy. We had a science class together, he was older than me, and he always asked me for help. (Which I thought was pretty cool, I won’t lie.) He just did that so he could talk and not do the work, but I didn’t mind, because he was who he was, and well, I was who I was. He became my friend over time, and Luke would wave at me in the halls etc… It was like being invited into the “cool kids” club and since I was younger than him and he was an upperclassman it was pretty cool or so I thought. When I was a senior, he was already in college, but I never forgot about him.

It was a Friday morning, I was staying the night with a friend and we were getting ready for school, when a close friend of mine called me. At first, I couldn’t understand what she said through the sobbing noises, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. “Luke, killed himself last night..” At first it was like I didn’t know what she meant, it didn’t register to me. Not the Luke, I knew. In fact, I asked her for his last name again, because it just couldn’t be the Luke I was thinking of. Not that Luke, not the guy who had accepted me as me, the “cool guy”… no it wasn’t him. It most definitely couldn’t be him… It couldn’t be anybody I actually knew. (I didn’t go to school that day, it just didn’t seem real.) But sadly, it was. My mind raced with questions of why? Why would he do this? He had everything going for him? Why didn’t I know he was sad? Why hadn’t I tried to keep in contact with him? WHAT THE HELL just happened? Needless to say, rumors flew around the school, everyone with different reasons why or what had happened? I never really knew why, even though now, I do… I didn’t want to know why then… it hurt too much. (I had failed at being his friend, we had all failed him some how is how I felt at the time.)

By the end of the school year, (I was in speech class and we had to give a speech on something that was controversial.) I spoke about teen suicide. I remember reading it out loud, as my teacher had tears fall down her face (she knew Luke too) … As I cried while I read it thinking of my friend who had taken his own life, I never wanted anyone to do that again. Whether I knew them or we were friends, I just didn’t want that to happen ever again. To anyone.

There’s a pain that you feel deep inside when you lose a loved one, but there’s a different pain you feel inside when someone takes their own life. You feel helpless on so many levels…

There is a serious epidemic growing in this country. No one speaks about it, and no one likes to shed light on it, because it hurts…

When you say things or do things that seem harmless to you, but you keep doing it, YOU ARE THE BULLY! When you watch others go through pain, and you do nothing… You aren’t helping either. People sit back and think it’s not my problem, or that’s sad, or the best answer I have heard lately is… “They are disturbed and they need mental help.” That doesn’t help either.

Really? You think that when someone is going through a hard time, that it’s because they just need mental help? (That’s now the answer for everything, sometimes they just need someone to listen or stand up for them.) “Just pop a pill and you will be fine, no no, no need to talk about the real world.”

It’s alarming as to how popular is to say to others (doctors, teachers, principals even) and to just push people aside because they have their own lives?

Recently, I heard from another parent, that when a child went to their counselor to talk about why they were sad, the child was told that it was because they were needing “mental” help and should be put in a “psych ward”… You’re kidding, right? This is happening more and more, and when a student can’t go to the “safest” person to tell what’s going on, then why the hell do you have that job? When you turn the table back onto the person, making them think they did something wrong, you aren’t helping… You are causing more of the pain. There’s a lot of students cutting themselves, causing harm to themselves, and others who know about it and they are sitting back and watching… Are you just “too cool” to help? These people aren’t weird, they are hurting… Don’t be the bully, be the one who helps.

Like I said in the beginning, this wasn’t going to be a popular post, but it needs to be said. If you know someone or you are someone who is hurting, please, please know that others care. There is someone who is loving you, even if you don’t feel that way.

( I promise, that I am loving you!)

Parents, it can be very hard to see the signs, it can be hard to even know your child is thinking of harming themselves or depressed, but always ask questions. If you come to a point where you don’t think you can help, there is many organizations and others who can.

Don’t give up, your life is precious. You are here for a reason. I promise you that!

The statistics of teen suicide is heart breaking. It’s the 2nd cause of death from ages 10-24. Each day on an average there is 5,240 attempts at taking their lives, and this is mainly from the 7th to 12th grades. Often it’s three times the number of females that attempt suicide than males. If you are in a position at a school and you can do something to help I urge you to do so! Don’t just chalk it up to kids being kids or “girls being girls” at this age. (This was also a recent answer given to students as the parents asked what is happening.) Start awareness to help others, start talking about it. The kids may want to harm others too, the amount of school shootings is growing, and that is scary! Very scary! Bullying is at an all time high throughout the country, whether it’s face to face or now through the internet. Don’t be one of those people who sit behind a screen and do nothing. Speak up!

So if you can help in any way I urge you to start today! Don’t be one of those people who think it won’t happen at your school or with someone you know (because it can be)…

And I hope and pray that you never know that kind of pain, the kind of pain someone feels when they do this. Be the one to help, not make worse. Look for the signs… If they mention it, talk about it, talk to someone, anyone…

I just want others to know there is many organizations that will and are there for help and resources. One is Itgetsbetter.org and they also help with many of the LGBT community. Even if you are different than the norm than you keep being you! That’s what makes you wonderful!

The suicide prevention hotline is 1-800-273-8255. Please call if you need someone to talk to.

If you have read this, and you are a parent, a teacher, a counselor, admin at a school, and you need help with how to bring “light” on this subject, please know that you’re not alone. There are many resources for this and don’t be afraid to address the situation.

For the ones who read this who may feel there is no one to help you or that you are alone, YOU ARE NOT! Keep fighting the good fight. Tell someone you trust that you have these thoughts. Your LIFE is worth it! Or if  you know someone who needs help, or you think they might, tell someone. Talk to them… Help them!

(You can always contact me too if you need someone to just listen or resources of any kind.)

Be the kindness in this world. Be the light you want to see in others. Be the positive when there’s so much negative.

As always, I don’t get paid for talking or discussing any of this, it’s my own thoughts. If you haven’t watched 13 reasons why, please think about it. Especially if you know someone who is in school. The reasons may not seem like something important to others, but it can become more pain for them than what you ever thought imaginable.

(May not be suitable for all younger viewers. I really want to stress this.)

Or you can check out the book by Jay Asher. If you need help of any kind please feel free to contact my page or me directly. I promise I won’t let you down… I will do my very best to help in any way I can. (I’m sharing a quote from the book. This is how the story begins… Please, don’t take this as a way out. YOU are worth the fight!)

Depression is very real, you aren’t alone! Keep your head up love.

thirteen reasons why

Where do we begin?

As often as writing about books is fun, I often enjoy writing about everything in between. Life is full of day to day humdrum nonsense, but then there are those days that make it all worth it.

There are events that happen in your life, some good, some bad, and some EPIC. Days like your wedding day, your children being born, their first steps, those are some of the days that you will never forget. Those are what I shall call the EPIC days in your life. We never know when one of these days will become a memory that you can’t erase or a time that will change your life forever…

The good days always try to out do the bad, we want it that way. We want certain times in our lives to be the best day ever and we try so hard for that day to be just what we want. Whether it’s a concert, a night on the town (Do people still say that? Haha.) or an event you have planned, you want these particular days to be etched into your brain. Just like publishing for the first time, I wanted to remember that day FOREVER. But then the bad days come, or a bad memory slips through, and you can live forever thinking of all the bad that happened to you.

No one ever knows the “bad day” is coming, you wake up, full of positive thoughts, and boom… something happens and it turns into a “bad day”… The bad day comes and it can turn into a bad week, maybe even a bad month… We do this to ourselves at times. We let the one bad thing take over and let it play out for way too long; then we are stuck thinking -F- my life. There is a lot of those days, and when we want the good days to be more often the bad, we search too hard for them. Not every day can be good, not every day will be bad… because that’s life.

This sounds like nonsense, but I swear I’m making some kind of point in this… Often finding myself writing out how I feel from my past (my bad days) to my current days is harder than imagined. Some where inside of me, lives this little girl who just wants to be free of all the “bad” days, but the memories linger longer than I would like. Trying to always overcome the past, trying to push for a better future, can lead you somewhere you didn’t know you could go… A better day, a better way of thinking, a better life.

Having to write out my past in a fantasy world seems to be taking a toll on my soul at times. The anger that comes through (didn’t know I was that angry at times,) the heart breaking moments that I feel, I try to see that the present me is doing better than the old me. The future me, will be better than the present me.

For many years, I thought that my past was going to defy who I would become… and it did. (It made a better person because of it!) The sad parts of my life could be told, and sure there’s something about releasing your inner demons out loud that makes me wish I had a different life, but I wouldn’t be who I am today without those times. We all have struggles in our life, some worse than others, some who think they struggle and have no idea what that word means, and some of us who rise above our struggles. There’s always a story tell, because everyone has one, no matter what age you are. My story is being played out through a book series… (Probably not the smartest idea, but it’s what I know. Haha.)

(I’m finally getting to the point here..)

No matter what you’re struggles are, you can overcome them, you can RISE above the hate, the pain, and you can find yourself along the way. Picking up the pieces of your broken heart, can be rewarding when you let it. We can’t stay in the “bad days” forever, because nothing good will ever come of it…

Trying to find yourself, living a better life for you, is where you will see the “good days” start becoming more; and the bad ones becoming a distant memory. Nothing is ever going to be easy in this life, nothing is ever going to be handed to us, we have to fight for the “good days.” We have to RISE above. Everyone has their day to day struggles, every one has their own inner demons, but don’t focus on the negative. Try to find the positive in every day life too, not just the EPIC days. I think that’s where I’m finding myself lately… Somewhere in between letting go of my past, and learning to find the positive. If our past creates who we will become, then we either fail or we RISE…

I want to RISE above the hate, the sorrow, the negative, and feel FREE! Free to be my true self, free to uplift others, and most of all, FREE to be who I am. There’s a fear in the back of my mind that I will never be good enough, I will never be loved as much I love to love, there is always this little voice telling me you aren’t worth it… Give up, no one gives a shit… and I keep telling that voice to go to hell. Because some where inside of me, the good days are outweighing the bad and I refuse to let the bad ones take over my mind anymore.

 

Find your hidden strength, find your good days, hold on to them, and let them guide your heart. Charmed Chaos Letting go

Time is of the essence

As time passes by, each day I become more aware that I’m ending an era in my life.

When I wrote my first book, Charming Selene, it was just a story. A story that started from a sentence that wouldn’t leave my mind. A story that felt like it was time for me to share. By the time I wrote the second book, Charmed Destiny, I knew that I wanted the final book to be the beginning and the end of the story I had built. With Charming it seemed that this book was cursed in many ways. From all the mishaps, the pain of trying to become an author, and telling a story for all to read was frightening.

Every day since publishing the first book, has been a task of keeping myself sane during this process. It was and is a form of therapy for my soul, but with that you are free to letting everyone see inside your soul. Writing is a form of laying it all out there. Letting the world read your dreams, your nightmares, and letting them having an open door into your mind. Nobody ever tells you that this is some scary shit. People see dollar signs as a way to make themselves happy, I see writing as an outlet to the chaos in my mind; that makes me happy.

No one ever tells you that once you publish something that people can begin to hate you and not even know you. Then you find out who your real friends are too. People will be jealous, people won’t want the best for you, and people will talk about you. They will become critics of everything you do, everything you said, everything you wrote. In a form it teaches you to overcome all of the hate out there, it teaches you to learn to see through the bull shit and it teaches you to learn what you out of life. I’ve never wrote for anyone, just myself. I never thought in a million years everyone would have an opinion on my life and my work… I just wanted to tell my story.

Writing this final book in the series that’s loosely based on my life is like letting go of everything and putting it out for all the world to read. It’s hard to do… It’s even harder to figure out how the book will end when you thought this day wouldn’t come. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned along this journey, I’m just me… I’m not the best writer, I’m not the best author, and I’m not the best at anything really. I just try. That’s all you can do. You have to try and make your dreams come true. You have to take that step and find yourself along the way. You see, I don’t know how to be anyone else or write any other way except for the way I do. That’s when you realize, you can only be yourself. You can only be the best YOU that you can be.

The time is coming for me to close this chapter in my life, and even though I’m mourning that part in a way, I can’t wait to see what the future holds. Keep true to yourself along the way. Keep your head up because life is too short to worry about the rest. I love the life I live… It took me a long time to find out who I was, what I was made of, and now… Now, I’m living for me. No one can take that away from you. Be proud of where you are and if you’re not.. keep striving till you look in that mirror and see that you’re only human, and you’re the only one who can ever make your dreams come true… Let’s face it, nobody is going to do it for you… People will use you, they will abuse you, but in the end, light that fire that’s burning inside of you. BE the light you want to see!

Peace, Love, and all that Jazz- DeeHoodie on a black backgroun

It’s been months

For months now…

I think I have tried to get my wordpress to work for months now, and yet nothing. Finally, TODAY it did! Who’s excited? That’s right, Me! Haha. As I have always said, I’m not the normal author, nor do I ever claim to be. It’s all about just me saying whatever the hell my mind comes up with next. For the longest time the only blogging that was happening was on my other one from blogger. Hopefully, this one will now work.

Obviously, months have passed and my life just keeps going… writing, reading, music, all of it, just keeps going with no signs of it stopping any time soon. (That kind of sounded morbid. Oops, sorry about that.) Let’s see what’s going in this wonderful world of books that I live in. I’m writing the final book of the Charming Series. WOW! It’s a rough one, but it’s time. ALSO BIG news.. The newest version of Charming Selene came out, and that was a huge help! (If you read the first one, I apologize for all the screw-ups.) What else, hmm… Oh let’s see, made a new best sellers list, that was FUN! Having to make a new playlist at this time for the new book, oh, and I’m writing a new novel saga that will come out after this last Charming book. So, that’s about it in the book world.

Now, in the real world so much has changed. Political wise, we won’t even get into that. Let’s just say you try to “grab” me anywhere and you won’t like what happens to you or your hand. I think that sums up where I stand on that. Haha. (Seriously, I will cut you, so don’t even think bout it! LOL)

My daughters are growing up right in front of my eyes, and that alone is so freaking scary. If this seems like I’m rambling, I am. I keep thinking that word press is going to not publish this, because I’ve done this about a hundred times, and nothing ever comes of it.

Alright, we will see if this random words of utter bullshit publishes and if it does.. Then heck yes, I’m BACK! Whoop! Whoop! Also, if you’re still reading this, then thank you! You guys have stuck by me, kept reading this and you have rocked my world. Hope to get write again on this blog! I have SO much more to share! EEK!

As usual- Peace, Love, and all that Jazz my friends.

Is it worth it?

Where the heck do I begin today?

This week we have a lot going on with the books. It’s crazy pressure time for me. We have a whole overhaul on all the pages I have. That alone is enough to drive a person into the crazy house, but we shall see how this plays out. When you think of all the things that you have to do as an author it can be very overwhelming. Let alone what you have to do just to keep your normal life on track. That’s kind of the fun of all this. Stress isn’t fun, but seeing people liking your books, your thoughts, well that alone is worth all this. Isn’t that why I started this in the first place? To reach people? To try to tell stories that left you uplifted or wanting more?

(Again, I try to remind myself of why I do this daily..)

There’s going to be days that you fight yourself for what to do with all of this, and there will be days where you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Today, hopefully, there is a light at the end of this long ass tunnel.

This seems to be all I have for today.. Looking forward to sharing more with you very soon!

Peace, Love, and all that Jazz- DeeThe Series that started it all

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